Current mood:	contemplative
Current music:	thursday_ jet black new year

three cheers to the mirror, now there are two of us, can we have one last dance?
haven't really had an update besides silly stuff or pictures in a while.

everything seems to be going really well. ashley has decided to take it upon herself to destroy me on her myspace and lower herself to that level. i've had my sayso about it, and it no longer concerns me. he doesn't love her anymore, i have nothing to worry about. she's still not over him, and if i were in her situation, i wouldn't be either, in all honesty. but why bash me on your myspace? are you that desperate? what is going through your head for you to have to do that to make yourself feel better? i seriously don't understand the way her brain works, or why she does the things she does. oh well. eff her. i blogged about it on myspace and that's about it. i know i probably shouldn't have even gone that far, but i couldn't help myself. but no more will be said on my part. if she wishes to react to my thoughts, so be it, if not, that's fine too. (but honestly i'm wishing she will) is that looking for drama? i hate to admit it to myself, but i think it is. the only thing that would make me the happiest right now would be for me to beat the shit outta her. but for shane's sake, i'll behave.

shane and i are doing well. after all, after we survived the first month of our relationship, and my parents and whatnot, it's pretty easy compared to that. besides, how could i resist his sweet ways? he's always nice, and for once he's the boyfriend that i can depend on, and not have to worry about like a babysitter. spending time with him seems to go by so quickly, i never want it to end. it's not in my immediate future, and i know we've only known each other for... 4 or so months, but i could see us being together throughout college, getting a place together, and being happy like that. and a looong way down the line, i could possibly see myself getting married and having a couple of kids with him, but who wants to dream like that? i'm not going to get my hopes up, therefore i won't be dissappointed, whatever happens with us.

school's going well. i had an 89 in PSDM, an 89 in Environmental & Nat. Resources, an 83 in U.S. history, and a 97 in photoshop. i'm working on bringing up my GPA, so i can get the life scholarship. my parents keep bugging me about that, because no matter what college i end up going to, money's going to be an issue, so i need all the help i can get. and i'm just worried about the whole student loans thing because my dad, granted he's not the most responsible person in paying people back, has yet to pay off all of his student loans from when he was in college. so i just don't want to be tied down like that, you know? i already know what it feels like to owe money, and i'm not even into college yet...

friends-wise i'm happy, for the most part. i've coem to realize that i have only one best friend, shane. and although i have many aquaintances, i have no idea how many of those i would consider friends. i mean, what is friends? is it the people you see at random times in the hallways? is it the bud connections you have? or is it the people you hang out with almost every weekend, who you go to the flea market with, get stoned with? go camping with? i have friends, yes, but best friends? i don't think i have ever really known what a best friend is. except for when i was a little girl. but ever since middle school, i've never really felt like i've belonged anywhere. i just tend to float from group to group, finding anyone who'll seem like a good conversation, or just hang out with me. bekah has been a good friend. leslie i wish i hung out with more. she's a good girl to hang out with. chris, charley, justin, and people at the waffle. those i feel i don't know well. i don't feel i know anyone well, except for shane.

i really can't wait for my birthday. not so much of a getting gifts thing, just basically another year to add on to say that i've gone places, i've met people, and i've done more things to experience life this year. i don't regret much, if anything at all. in my eyes it's all been a learning experience.

i have also decided that i'm not going to move out of the house when i turn 17. i'm going to wait until i've paid my parents back in full, AND saved up quite a bit of money for myself, before i put myself out into the real world with only myself to depend upon. i just think it's a good idea to at least start off with money to have a cushion, you know?

another fantasy i have is paying my parents back, saving up money, and after shane's gotten some things he wants to buy, get him to save up money too, and maybe get an apartment with him. but i woudn't want to move too fast. the earliest i see doing that with him would be maybe when i turn 18. because who knows where either of us will be down the road? i don't. and neither does he.

we're in love, and it feels great. but we've got a lot more to find out about each other. our relationship has got a long way to go before i even think about anything serious with him, like moving in with him, or becoming totally serious. it's just nice to have someone there for you all the time, someone who cares and loves you, and it's good to feel the same way about him. i love him, and i care about him so much. i thought that happiness wasn't possible, but apparently it is. not much more could be better.

so sorry if this has been a really long entry. i've just been thinking about a lot of things lately, and what i've talked about on livejournal isn't even the half of it.